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What To Do If Your Siblings Won’t Help With Parent’s Caregiving


A common scenario right?  You may be going through it right now…

As with most things in caregiving, urgent communication, action, and transparency is pretty much 50% of the battle my friends.

It’s important to remain cool, calm, and collected. Even if you are upset and frustrated to no end because you are the one brother or sister who’s been bearing the brunt of your parent’s care, here’s what I have to say to you!

You are not doing it to expect gratitude or praise from anyone else, you are not doing because there’s such a thing a cosmic karma, or even because through a family agreement you are actually being paid for it, if that were an option…

You are doing it because it’s your Mom or Dad, and it’s the right thing to do!

So drop the anger, self-pity, need for recognition, and the lonesome hero act.

Stop asking for help, you don’t need them. They are in denial or not prioritizing the situation, and one day will regret not being part of the most selfless human act possible, taking care of the people who gave them everything. You only get one chance in life to repay back what your parents did for you, and YOU are doing it!

Be proud, not angry…

Here’s another reason you don’t need them:  You are a caregiving ninja! 

1. You will go to your State website and find the National Family Caregivers Support program (FLORIDA), then you’ll contact the Alzheimer’s Association and find endless caregiving training, workshops and resources.

2. You will also contact your local senior help groups and get some respite through the Local Elder Companion volunteers and who knows you may even create your own local support group with other family caregivers not getting help from their siblings either!

3. You will go to this caregiving support resources post written by the head of all-time caregiving Super Ninjas, Maria de los Angeles, and read it to learn even more ways to surround yourself with the right people and build your caregiving team.

You will find a way, you will get it done, and you’ll be a better person, son/daughter for it.


Don’t give up on your siblings so easy. Even if they give you the 4 more popular excuses to not help:

  • I don’t have time
  • I don’t have money
  • I can’t bear to watch Mom/Dad that way
  • I live too far

Even with these excuses, keep trying, any little help is good for everyone. Open new lines of communication, get the family together in a light and easy going atmosphere and bring up the topic as natural conversation.

In the end they will thank you for pushing hard and not giving up on getting them involved. No one said doing the right thing was going to be easy!

Even then, you’ll know when to fight and when to let go. One thing’s for sure …you don’t need anyone’s permission to do the right thing!

Claudio Alegre

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