As Dementia percolates through your Mom’s brain, it systematically destroys everything in its path, every cell containing every memory, and every memory linking to precious moments …until it eventually gets to those neurons where memories of you as a child, a young woman, your graduation, wedding and birth of your children reside. These memories are now all gone!
Where once was a person that stared back at you with love and pride, you will now find a bewildered stare bereft of anything even remotely resembling the once familiar gaze. This will probably be the hardest think you’ll have to endure as an adult, I think is worse than losing someone, cause at least you can say goodbye to her when buried, but this person who used to be my mother it’s still here, but not really.
This will beat you down one day at a time because all human beings work based on incentives, in this case, your incentive could be a smile, a thank you, a conversation or reminder of something pleasant… but not this time, there’s nothing there. You are now working on what is psychologically a negative sum game, except for the fact that it’s the right thing to do, but other than that, this may be all you have, OR IS IT?
I believe there’s one more incentive you can draw on that can bring purpose and strength to your daily charge.
You see the only thing your Mom has now is you, there’s nothing else. Not only does she need your protection, but the only source of real meaningful contact with the world is you.
This is a great opportunity for you, a unique chance to do something we rarely get to do though we should all aspire to at one point in our lives, and that is to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY, freely, without really expecting anything in return…
How often do we get to do that in our lifetime?
Even in awesome and healthy relationships, there’s a reasonable level of expectation, but this is different.
This is hard to do even for people that had a good relationship with their parents. For those who didn’t, I’m not going to tell you what to do, it’s not my place. But I believe in second chances, being the better person, and seizing special moments in life that may only come around once, MAYBE twice.
The payoff? You’ll become a stronger, wiser and elite human being, and who wouldn’t want to be that package!
As always if you found these tips useful, please share 🙂
Claudio Alegre is the CEO & Chief Content Writer for Angel Home Care Services on the Web and Patient and Family Advocate off the Web. He lives in Miami with his wife and 3 boys. He's passionate about healthcare and all things caregiving. He can be reached at [email protected] or directly at 305.220.4544
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