Necessary vs. Unnecessary Caregiving Frustrations and How To Deal With Both


This week I got a call from a friend of mine. His Mom is in her eighties, with early onset Alzheimer’s and a slew of other clinical conditions.

It wasn’t the first time he reached out to me with the same caregiving frustration… In his own words,

“Claudio I’m so frustrated, I don’t know what else to do. My mother won’t eat, drink, and forgets to take her meds all the time!
I’m with her as much as I can. I have a lady that comes and helps with the house, and still the other day she got dizzy, fell, and almost broke her neck… had to spend a whole day in ER with her. And on top of all that, she’s starting to think I’m the enemy!”

I understand… of course I understand.

I helped my parents take care of my paternal grandmother who died of Alz, and now my maternal granny who’s 100 y/o but thinks she’s 55, is giving us the hardest time with the caregiver that takes care of her.

We also sometimes feel like we don’t know what to do!

But what we don’t do is create added stress and unnecessary frustration to the mix.

We understand that this is the game we’re in, and I don’t mean to suggest that we treat it like one, what I mean is that for this game there’s also a playbook.

Necessary frustrations (which can also be successfully dealt with btw) are things like:

  • Weekly doctor visits, where you have take time out of your busy day to take your Mom and spend 3 hours for a 15 minute appointment.
  • Having to find a nursing home or ALF that will take your spouse or loved one because their home is no longer the best option.
  • Getting denied insurance coverage for things like help with ADLs (activities of daily living), personal care, companion, home-maker services, etc…
  • Extreme sundowning events that could keep you awake for days on end.
  • Dealing with the emotional weight that comes with caring for a convalescent loved one.
  • …and a TON of other ones!

There’s a lot of information in this website and on the web about how to deal with these successfully.

But getting bent out of shape over the natural course and progression of caring for someone who’s getting old, is neither productive nor  healthy for you.

Yet getting frustrated to the point of desperation and paralysis is what my friend was doing.

He was getting frustrated unnecessarily. The issues his Mom is experiencing can be easily solved.

From where I’m standing he’s adding to the problem, not being a solution’s agent.

In situations like these you need to keep your head, because in these cases it doesn’t get any better and you have to be ready for that without reducing your life to shambles.

I his case, I gave him the same advice as before, but either he didn’t take it or didn’t properly execute.

His problem can be easily solved by having someone OTHER THAN HIM at the home 3-4 times a day every day, to make sure that she’s bathed, fed, and to help administer the meds.

These are the 3 main tasks that every elderly person struggles with when their situation rapidly deteriorates.

But this is how you simplify it!

3 tasks – 3 times per day(varies) – 7 days a week

Whether the insurance covers it, or you hire private help, or you find a family member or friend to help you; these are all options and issues to address.

Are there other things they may need?

Of course, but these are the bare-bones minimum, and the ones you need to tackle first!

When you feel frustration is setting in, simplify the situation in your head and chunk it down into bullet point realities that can be executed by X number of actionable steps.

This can be applied to almost anything in life, but it’s a specially good technique to use when dealing with a caregiving tsunami.

To Get Instant Access To The FREE Elder Care Guide That Will Go Deeper and Expand On What You Just Learned, CLICK HERE!


claudioalegreClaudio Alegre is the Chief Content Writer for Angel Home Care Services on the Web and Patient and Family Advocate off the Web.  He lives in Miami with his wife and 3 boys. He’s passionate about healthcare and all things caregiving. He can be reached at or directly at 305.220.4544



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